It has come to our attention that a number of our much loved and treasured 'LEAPS badges' have escaped from the confines of the LEAPS Office. This is mainly due to gross incompetence on the part of the LEAPS Co-ordinator and other staff delivering workshops in schools (their names have been omitted to protect the innocent).
As part of credit-crunching measures the LEAPS Business Manager has stated publicly that if LEAPS does not recover sufficient numbers of said badges (retail price £5.00) LEAPS jobs are on the line and even worse volunteers may have to be 'badge-less' for all future workshops.
In light of this frightening situation we see no alternative but to that make May our 'Badge Amnesty' month.
You should be aware that these badges can be highly dangerous if they fall into the hands of individuals who are not trained in their usage. These badges have been known to render credit cards completely useless and can be incredibly problematic for pacemaker wearers. In addition, the inexperienced wearer can be subject to excruciating cold pains if they choose to wear their LEAPS badge in direct contact with the skin.
If for any reason a badge matching the 'photofit' (pictured on right - you might have one with another university name!) has come into your possession please return it to the LEAPS office by posting it or by depositing it in person in the appropriate clear box in the LEAPS office.
No questions will be asked as to how you acquired said badge and you will suffer no incrimination as a result. However, you may if you wish wear a disguise to protect your identity if depositing your badge in person at the LEAPS office.
There is no reward for the safe return of these items but you should rest assured that by returning these potential deadly weapons you are helping us fight a much needed war against badge-related crime.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
Yours,
PC Aitchison
Scottish Badge Surveillance Squad
PS. We understand that you may find the content of this email disturbing but please don't have nightmares.
